If I Seem a Little Crazy...

Photo stolen from http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/ (the funniest bad cake site ever)

Please forgive me. I'm going to a new sleep doctor in NY (for the record I loved my old sleep doctor in DC but well, she's in DC) and discussed with the team (yes I have a whole team because my condition is "quite unique in a female your age" and my tests results were "strikingly abnormal", so I have a team) the fact that I was dissatisfied with one of my medications because it made me gain weight.

Me: So, I've put on like 10-15 pounds since going on it a year ago.
Team: What are you doing to control your weight given the side effect.
Me: No, I just want you to put me on something else, I can't afford to buy a new set of pants, it will financially and emotionally break me to have to buy new pants.
Team: The medication works exceptionally well.
Me: But the pants.
Team: Given the fact that there are few medications to treat this and the other ones will make you grow chest hair or sprout extra digits, why don't you just try to better control your weight with diet.
Me: You're not listening to me about the pants.
Team: Just watch what you eat. Can you really fall asleep in 4 seconds?
Me: Technically, yes.

So, in an attempt to not look like a whiny 15 year old I'm trying to watch what I eat. A few years ago I went to see a nutritionist (a free perk of being a grad student at Columbia) and her advice was simple: cut the carbs.

Me: Seriously? But the scones, chocolate, and tortillas that I eat in my sleep.
Her: Yup, it's pretty simple. Wait, you eat tortillas in your sleep. Is that in your food log?
Me: Yup, can't have them in the house.
Her: What department are you in?
Me: unintelligible babble about education and saving the world...
Her: Nevermind. Just cut the carbs.

Cut to present day.

It's been a lowcarb week and I'm beginning to think I'm a bit schizo. Where did these voices come from that tell me to eat the cookie? Why does the chocolate cross that a friend gave me scream "Eat me!" Why did my mouth turn into a nan bread vortex last night? It's starting to effect my work. The last strategy memo I wrote simply said:

To: LJG (my boss)
From: MPG (Me)
RE: NYS Stem Cell Foundation

Are there carbs in stem cells? Do they taste sweet? Why do the cookies talk to me?

Luckily my office mate assured me that the voices go away but only after 10-12 days. I'm also not supposed to drink any alcohol (1) 'cause there's carbs in the swill (2) it will mess with my sleep log. I may have to take up smoking. If not, I may have to get a second job to pay for new pants.